


In the Fullness of Time

by miss_scifi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Deserves to be Loved (Supernatural), First Kiss, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Slow Romance, post-15.18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_scifi/pseuds/miss_scifi
Summary: Castiel is back but Dean doesn't know how to talk to him anymore. With so much left unspoken between them, will Dean be able to sort out his feelings? Or will they lose each other all over again?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	In the Fullness of Time

Dean and Sam’s last ditch attempt works. Castiel, their angel, their friend is alive. First there is nothing but joy. Castiel is right there in front of him, real and whole and human. He is breathing and he is alive and Dean is so overwhelmed with relief that he can hardly speak. And then he has Castiel in his arms and he is warm and solid and he is back and everything is okay. And then the moment ends. 

They sit with Sam at the table and it is uncomfortable. There is too much unspoken between them. Castiel can barely look at Dean and Dean fidgets in his seat constantly. As soon as Castiel has eaten, he stands up. 

“I have to sleep,” he announces and he speeds away from the table.

“Dude, what the hell was that?” asks Sam. 

“Huh?” Dean is hardly listening, his eyes still staring intently at the doorway where Castiel had so abruptly disappeared.

“I mean, I know he just came back from the dead or whatever, but he seems off. Not like himself,” Sam explains. “and you don’t seem happy either. Our friend just came back from the Empty and you’re sitting there like you could not possibly be more uncomfortable. It’s weird.”

“I’m fine Sammy. And so is Cas. He probably just needs a bit of time to adjust.” Dean shakes his head and takes another sip of beer. “So just drop it ok,” he snaps.

“Well now I’m definitely not going to drop it. We can’t keep having secrets like this. It just goes around and around and it never works out. So tell me what’s going on.” Sam is adamant, his face hard and his eyes narrowed. 

“It’s nothing. It’s just something Cas said before he died. Before he sacrificed himself. And I feel weird about it and I guess so does he.”

Sam raises his eyebrows, “Yeah, I’m gonna need more than that.”

“He told me he loved me, okay? He told me he loved me and then he died for me and now I don’t know how to talk to him.”

“Well this doesn’t seem like a big deal. Of course he loves you, he’s our family.”

“I don’t think it’s that kind of love Sammy.” Dean stares down at the table, absent-mindedly fiddling with the label on his beer. “I think he meant more than that. Like maybe he’s in love with me”

“Huh,” Sam nods. “Well what exactly did he say?”

Dean rolls his eyes and mutters, “God could you sound anymore like a middle-school girl right now?”

Sam chooses to reply with a pointed look and Dean continues. “He told me that I changed him. That he cares about you and Jack and the whole world because of me. He said I’m a good person and a loving person. He told me if he had a moment of perfect happiness, the empty would take him away and then he said he loved me. And then he was gone. That was his moment of happiness Sam; telling me that and then saving me. So what do I do with that information?”

For a moment, Sam is blessedly silent. He chugs the rest of his beer and takes a deep breath before speaking. “I guess that depends of how you feel about him.”

It’s a big question and Dean hardly even knows where to begin. “He feels like,” Dean sighs. “Like a part of me. I mean, I love you Sammy but if I knew you were safe and happy somewhere, then Cas and I could just, I don’t know, just be. And as long as we were together, I think I’d be okay. Maybe even happy.” 

“Dude, you know that means you love him right? I mean, that’s not best friend talk. That’s the big L.” Sammy says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“It’s not Sammy! I don’t want to make sweet love and babies with him. I don’t wanna bang! Not with him. It iisn’t for me. And if he loves me? Well he shouldn’t. He should be with someone that wants that with him. I can’t string him along.” 

“Dean, did he actually at any point say he wants to have sex with you? Or have you just decided that everyone feels love in the exact same way?”

It’s a valid question which gives Dean pause. “What are you saying Sammy? That we could be lifelong lovers that don’t do the loving thing?”

“That isn’t how I’d phrase it. You could be soul mates. In some kind of romantic but not sexual way. You could make each other happy and I don’t think you should throw that away without actually talking to him. So maybe try and be a little less emotionally constipated and go against your instincts for a change and actually communicate with him.”

Dean doesn’t move. “Soul mates? What kind of sentimental bullshit is that? Seriously?

Now it’s Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Dean, he died for you. He deserves to know that it’s not one-sided. He deserves to be loved. I’m going to bed, just think about it okay?” He squeezes Dean’s shoulder as he walks away. It gives Dean just enough courage to stand up and start making his way to Castiel’s room.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He knocks on the door twice before hearing a faint grunt from inside. When he opens the door, he sees Castiel laying on the bed. He’s under the covers but still wide awake, staring at Dean in confusion. 

“Sorry to disturb you. I can go, you obviously want to sleep. I’ll just go now. Sorry.” 

Dean turns away but before he can leave, Castiel finally speaks.

“You don’t have to go. I wasn’t sleeping. I can’t remember how to make my mind go quiet. I think I am out of practise.” 

Dean nods, “yeah, I know that feeling.” He pauses before speaking again. “I wanted to say sorry if I was acting weird before. I was thinking about what you said before you went away. Before you sacrificed yourself for me.” Castiel opens his mouth to speak but before he can, Dean continues. “What you said about me being a loving person, it changed me. I think I almost believe you about it, so thank you. About the other thing” There is another pause. “Look, did you mean to tell me that you are in love with me?”

Castiel nods and then looks down. “I didn’t think I’d have to see you again after I said it. So I didn’t think about what would happen next. But you have to know that I said it without expectations.” Castiel finally raises his eyes and looks at Dean intently. “I just wanted you to know. I still don’t have expectations. And I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me. I don’t need things to change between us.”

“What if I do want things to change?” he says the words in a rush, before he loses his nerve. Castiel just looks confused. Dean moves towards the desk chair, but it suddenly seems too far away from Castiel. He turns again and sits very tentatively on the end of the bed. “Castiel, the way I feel about you, it’s confusing. I don’t know if I can explain it. I told Sammy that you feel like a part of me. What you were gone, it’s like I couldn’t breath. Like I was drowning. I didn’t feel okay for even a second until you were back and I was holding you. And think that means I love you. I know it actually,” he finishes in a rush. 

Castiel has tears brimming in his eyes. “Dean, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t know you felt that way. I had no idea.”

“Neither did I. Not until you were gone. Sammy says maybe we’re soul mates.”

“A fanciful and unrealistic human idea,” replied Castiel. And then he smiles, the kind of bright, genuine smile that takes over his whole face. “I like it.”

He holds out his hand and after a moment, Dean takes a hold of it. He links their fingers together and stares in wonder. It feels a lot like coming home. 

“There’s just one thing Cas,” Cas cocks his head to one side, asking the question silently. “The sex thing. I mean, I love you but I don’t think it’s like that for me. I don’t want you to be missing out on that.”

Castiel squeezes his hand. “Dean, I’ve lived for so long. And all of that time sex was never something I was interested in. Angels aren’t generally concerned about it. And now I’m human and I haven’t formed an opinion one way or the other. It doesn’t change how I feel.”

“Ok.” Dean looks at their linked hands again. “Now what? Sleep I think,” he says, answering his own question. 

Castiel nods. “I will see you in the morning then.”

Dean doesn’t move. “I could stay here,” he offers tentatively. “I mean, if you want. To sleep.”

“I would like that. To sleep next to you.” 

Dean lets go of Castiel’s hand somewhat reluctantly and stands up. He kicks off his shoes and shrugs off his jacket, dumping it haphazardly on the floor before settling back on the bed. He slides under the covers and lays on his back. Castiel has rolled onto his side, facing way from Dean. Dean is close enough to ear Cas’s breathing. He thinks he can almost feel the heat radiating from Cas’s back. And it feels… horribly awkward. Dean is afraid to move. Should he be close enough to touch Cas? Or should stay further away? He doesn’t know what Castiel wants from him. He wonders if Castiel notices.

He does. He says “Dean, you seem uncomfortable. You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. I do. I’m just not used to sharing a bed. Not like this. Can I try something?” Dean asks. 

He waits for Castiel to nod and then he moves closer and slowly turns to press his front against Castiel. He lays one arm of top of Castiel who stiffens for a moment, before slowly relaxing his entire body against Dean. 

“Is this okay?” Dean whispers.

“Yes. I think my mind is remembering how to be quiet. I think I can sleep now.”

He closes his eyes and sure enough his breathing soon evens out. Dean buries his head into Castiel’s neck. He can feel soft hair tickling his forehead and he feels warmer and safer than he has in years. He drifts off too sleep that night to the sound of Castiel’s soft breaths and the feel of his chest rising and falling. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dean wakes almost eight hours later. He’s now laying on his back with Castiel snuggled into his neck, one of his hands resting gently on Dean’s chest. Dean feels well rested, which is truly a novelty. He waits in silent contentment until Castiel begins to stir. Eventually he opens his eyes, but makes no attempt at moving. 

Dean breaks the silence. “I didn’t have nightmares last night. I don’t know if you realise how rare that is for me.”

Castiel smiles, “Maybe you felt safe here with me.”

Dean grins in agreement. “Breakfast?” 

They enter the kitchen together and are greeting by Sam. “Hey Dean. Don’t think I didn’t notice that you never made it back to your own room last night.”

Castiel and Dean look at one another a smile. “I took your advice Sammy,” said Dean. “Try not to be completely insufferable about it.”

“No guarantees,” replies Sam with a grin. “So now what do we do?”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hunting, that’s what. Sam leaves to have a normal life and Castiel takes his place besides Dean. They travel from state to state, hunting monsters and saving people. They share dirty mattresses in abandoned houses and comfortable beds in roadside motels and whisper “I love you” every night. Dean hustles people out of their money in dingy pool halls, while Castiel looks on. They spend time in the bunker, binging western movies and whatever is trending on Netflix. And slowly, they expand their repertoire of intimacy. 

They cuddle on the couch. They hold hands when they walk down endless interchangeable suburban roads. Castiel rests his hand on Dean’s leg while Dean drives the highways. And one very ordinary day, on a very ordinary hunt, Dean kisses Castiel on the cheek to celebrate their victory. 

It begins a chain of kisses. A kiss on Dean’s cheek when he wins a particularly brutal fight. A kiss on their linked hands to soften the blow of Dean’s teasing. A kiss on the inside of Castiel’s wrist while patching up claw marks on his arm. A kiss on Dean’s forehead just because. 

And then one awful day, Castiel takes a blow to his chest. His very fragile, very human chest. He goes down hard. Dean manages to finish the monster off but Castiel still isn’t moving and Dean rushes to his side. 

“No, no, no, no,” Dean mutters. “God not again. Please wake up. You have to be okay.” He reaches down, placing his hand on Cas’s cheek. “Cas! I need you, you have to wake up.”

Castiel’s eyes open and he takes a breath, wincing in pain. “Dean. I am alright. It hurts, but I’m okay. Please don’t cry Dean.”

Dean can no longer speak and so there is only one thing to do. He leans down and presses his lips against Castiel’s. It only lasts a second before he pulls away. He searches Castiel’s. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay. I was so afraid.”

“Dean, do that again,” Castiel’s voice cracks. “Please.”

And then they are kissing again. Desperately. Dean cradles Castiel’s face with both hands. Castiel grips Deans jacket and pulls him closer. Dean expected it to feel strange, but it doesn’t. It feels natural and completely thrilling. He doesn’t want it to end. He thinks he could kiss Castiel forever. 

Eventually the need for oxygen forces them apart. Castiel looks a little shell shocked and Dean is sure he looks the same. 

“Cas, I didn’t know it would feel like that. I am going to want to do that again. A lot. Maybe as soon as we are back to our room.” 

Castiel nods in agreement. “I agree. I think it’s urgent that we do so as much as possible for as long as possible. 

They stand and walk back to the car hand in hand. They slide into their usual positions. Dean takes the wheel and looks across at his former angel and current everything. 

“I love you Castiel.”

“I love you too Dean. Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> -After more than five years, I have been drawn back down this rabbit hole but at least I'm not alone. I see Dean as a complicated and frequently confused man and I see Castiel as someone who just wants to be loved, whatever that looks like. 
> 
> -First fic in forever. 
> 
> -Please let me know if you enjoyed this. 
> 
> -Join me in keeping your fingers and toes crossed for a fulfilling finale.


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